Finding Joy in the Little Things
“Step-parenting isn’t easy but the impact we can make on other children’s lives can truly change their world.”
I am learning to find joy in the little things in life. My type A personality has me constantly pushing to improve and be busy instead of be in the moment. In those moments its easy to miss out on the beauty that surrounds me every day. One of my biggest joys in life is watching each milestone of our youngest son, Jaron. My cup gets filled daily watching him learn and take in al the world offers. His Happiness makes me happy. His smile makes me smile. My husband also brings me so much joy. He is my rock and my best friend and I "thank God for the broken road" that allowed us to find one another. My husband and I have overcome a lot in the past few years and one of the most important seasons of my life was becoming a step-parent to Aaron’s three wonderful children, Julian, Alena, and Elijah. They have made my heart so much more full and have taught me so much about grace; not only with them, but with myself.
Becoming a step parent was an eye opening experience for me. You always think about how you would do things as a parent and then find yourself in a position of providing but without a genuine say in their day-to-day upbringing. I had to adapt to my new life and learn to love unconditionally even though initially, it was a forced relationship. It truly tests your patience, your maturity, and the vision of your future. Bringing our own son into the family changed that vision even more. We had to find balance with doting on my own child and maintaining and growing the relationship with my step-kids. My son changed my purpose for everything but I also decided to change my entire career path to provide for all of our kids. Not only for better opportunities and to make more time for them, but to also be more hands-on in Jaron’s first years. I never thought I would have the opportunity to do that but I am so grateful God saw me fit for that role in life.
Ecclesiastes 4:12 "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." (marriage verse to keep God in our relationship)
Parenting isn’t easy and even though I got a bit of a head start with Aaron’s kids before we got married, I had a lot to learn about parenting my own. One of the many hurdles that we can mostly all agree with facing as moms is, taking care of OURSELVES. What a task, am I right? It’s hard taking time out of our busy days to look after who makes so many of these things our kids do possible; us moms! For me personally, I have had to learn how to manage my “type A” personality. Having kids who don’t necessarily fit into that mold and haven't been brought up with the same role models or encouragement to succeed that I have, was a HUGE learning opportunity for me. The hardest thing for me to always remember to put first is our marriage. As a mom, its easy to lose touch and distance ourselves away from our husbands with all the things we take on in our daily lives. We have so much going on between the six of us that at the end of the day, I have to make an effort to give time for him as well. It doesn't always happen. You get out what you invest into your marriage and my hope is to keep our bond as strong as possible so our future can continue to be filled with companionship and love. Marrying Aaron changed my life in so many amazing ways and I remember the incredible moment of finally seeing a future for myself with him as my life partner. I’m so blessed to be his. Jaron changed who I am to my core and has opened up my eyes to parenting on a different level. My hope for all of my kids is to continue to inspire, teach, and lead them in the direction they should go. I want to make a difference in their lives as they have made a huge and amazing difference in mine.
Difficult seasons come in many shapes and sizes and ours were no different. We have struggled with fertility for a while and even though we want more children, we want to continue to soak up the blessing that we were given when we had Jaron. He is such an bright and outgoing child and I see so many wonderful things in his future! As a family we have had to make a lot of changes recently. Last year, we ended up with unexpected sole custody of Aaron’s three children. While this may have been hard on us having to restructure everything from a part-time basis, not only in our lives but their lives as well. However it has been much more difficult for them. I have had to learn to love in a way that I was not familiar with or used to and open up so many new areas of understanding. As a result of this, my step-kids and I have grown so much closer and I have gained a whole new respect for them. They are truly resilient young people. They are not just survivors of unimaginable times, but learning to overcome their difficulties with dignity and grace. They are making their own paths and we encourage them heavily to keep doing so. Being a step-parent isn’t easy and certainly isn’t the same for everyone. You have to constantly choose to build an intentional relationship with kids who aren't of your own flesh and blood. While they may differ and have obstacles, the reward and ultimately the opportunity to be an impact on their lives is an incredible duty God has bestowed upon me. I don’t take it lightly or for granted, not even for a second.
Proverbs 22:6 Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.
In my own personal world, I have faced my own set of difficult seasons dealing with depression. It appeared as the stress from becoming an integrated family grew. Days were hard and I had to really put forth an effort to be intentional in growing our relationships when I wasn’t feeling worthy or that belonged in the family myself. To be honest, there are still days that I want to pack and leave. However, those are the days that I know that I really need to buckle down and take care of myself. I have found so many amazing step-parent support groups and resources that keep pouring into my life daily. I also surround myself with family and friends who love me fiercely. Praying keeps the whole package together and brings everything full circle for me. I remind myself every night that I put my son to sleep, (and sometimes all night!), to keep going. Its a promise I will always be reminded of while looking into his star-gazed eyes. Jaron is my motivation right now.
I am always challenged and inspired by Aaron with his dedication to us and him never failing in doing the right thing. He’s truly incredible and I wouldn’t want to spend my life with anyone else. My grandfather, Lloyd, will forever challenge me to be a better person. I lost him back in 2017 am working every day to keep living my life the way he lived his. Faith, Marriage, Family, then work and be charitable were part of his everyday duties and I will strive every day to live my life by those standards. I also wouldn’t be who I am or where I am today without my mom. Her strength, beauty, and love have always been something that I find refuge in. She is one of the most giving and merciful people I know, and I can only hope to grow to be half the woman she is.
My hope for anyone who deeply relates to my story is that you take a moment and try to capture glimpses of God’s love for you within your own story. You are amazing and God chose you for a reason to love the incredible children he put in your life (of your own, or not). While life can be hard and trying at times, He always puts us exactly where we are needed to be. I truly believe that I was put here, not only to be Jaron’s mom but to be a mom to three kids who look up to me, need me, and love me for who I am. There is nothing sweeter than that. Step-parenting isn’t easy but the impact we can make on other children’s lives can truly change their world.