Vessel of His Light.

Sometimes Jesus has people come into your life that will fit into His plan for your life in completely unexpected ways. Hannah and I became friends through how many of us now find each other, social media! Little did I know, we shared a connection so deep that only Jesus could have been the author of.  I had posted a photo of me from my past and briefly talked about eating disorders because it was ED survivors month. In my own human attempt to inspire and encourage others, God had other plans for that story. Hannah wrote on that photo about her own experience on the subject and I knew that I wanted to share her story one day. I believe her story, as well as many others, would be so healing to others as well as herself. Hannah, I am so honored to share your story with others who may be in the same situation or have faced it at one point in their lives. You will move mountains with your testimony and not only am I proud of your courage, but Jesus is as well. Keep furthering His Kingdom, friend! 

This is Hannah's story:

I grew up in an all American household. I was raised in a Christian home, and I grew up loving life and loving Jesus. I loved who I was as a little girl. I loved sports, my friends, and my family.

     Second grade changed my perspective on myself though. It was like my rose colored glasses came off. I was sitting in gym class, and somehow the topic of weight came up. Some of my friends and I were sitting around and kids were saying how much they weighed. I remember it came to be my turn to reveal the number on a scale. I said a number, and I remember a young boy saying, “There’s no way you weigh that, you probably weigh more.” That was the moment a number on a scale became more than a number, but it became a label that brought me shame. At 8 years old, I felt like a needed to change what I looked like. I began comparing myself to other girls.  I became shy; I felt inadequate in many ways. As the years went on, I began dieting. Name it, I’ve tried it.

      When high school came around, I knew something had to change. At seventeen years old, I lost sixty pounds. I did it the right way: I ate well, I worked out, and I had a solid support system, but something switched in my head. All of the sudden, the “goal weight” was not good enough, I could do better; I could be better- only a few more pounds and I would be ideal. I began cutting even more calories, to the point where I would coast by on the bare minimums.  I taught zumba at the time, and I would teach two classes a day sometimes, come home, and then run six miles-everyday. I ran my body into the ground. One day on my usual run, I felt light headed but brushed it off. A few days later I started experiencing stomach pains when I would eat certain foods. The energy I once had was slipping and when I looked into the mirror all I saw was a shell of a person.

 My mom took me to the doctor, and they drew my blood to test for any issues. The doctors found that my stomach had lost the enzymes to digest fats; thats why eating became a pain. What came next was the day that changed my life.

It was a Saturday. I was sitting in the car with my dad at the gas station when my mom called my dad. I could not tell what was being said, but I knew it was serious. From a blurry speaker I could hear, “She needs to go to the hospital.” They hung up and my dad told me the doctor called, and my blood results came up and it was urgent I go to the ER. My body froze up, fear filled me fast. “Okay,” was the only word I could utter.
We got there quickly, and I remember thinking, why am I here, I’m healthy, I'm fine.

I wasn't fine.

  The doctor came in and said he wanted to run my results again, because surely my iron levels and oxygenation of my cells could not be that low. Nurses came in, took more blood, and ran the results. The first test was confirmed.

   “Your iron levels are that of a car accident patient, do you know your blood type?”

“What?”

“I’m seventeen, how am I supposed to know my blood type?”

“You need a blood transfusion today.”

Some other exchanges occurred and before i knew it, two bags of ice cold blood from a complete stranger were flowing through my veins. I layed in that hospital bed for four hours. In that time, all that came to my mind was, "How in the world did you get here?"

But then another voice came to me, the voice of my youth.
“You’re enough Hannah. I made you in My image- fearfully and wonderfully made- do you believe it?”

In that hospital bed, Jesus reminded me exactly who He is.

He is my Father, my Savior.

   Today it has been four years since that day, and I am still a work in progress. Jesus is teaching me daily how faithful He is. He has brought so much healing to my life, but that healing came only through surrendering my wants and desires for His. It came when I stopped seeing myself as fractured and broken. It came when I asked Jesus to take my greatest fears and my greatest weaknesses, and make them the avenues which He displays His strength.

    There were days i wasn't sure that I could make it- days I wanted to give up. Only through the grace of God, I kept pushing through because I knew there was a purpose on my life and a calling that I was not going to throw away. Today I am weeks away from graduating college, I have interned at Red Rocks Church, Altitude Sports Radio, and I have started a ministry called The Purpose Generation; which I speak, write, and have gatherings called Purpose Nights. To which I share the message of identity and purpose to others.

    God has given me so many incredible opportunities. There have been moments in my life in the last four years that have blown my mind. I do not deserve any of it, and I have done nothing to earn. I realize my fragility, I realize my humanity, and I am willing to share it.

    I am a clay jar made of broken pieces. Jesus has taken those pieces and mended them. His light now shines through those pieces and I am able to be a vessel in which He shines His light. 

   He is a faithful Father and by His grace, I have learned to love the person He made. He made me for love, He made me for life, sunrises, laughter, words, fellowship, and so much more. I do not intend to spend one day hating the person He made. I will live this life with passion and purpose, just as He intended me to.